I made a throwaway so as not to clutter my main. I’m a bit sad but he doesn’t want me to feel bad. He keeps me so he’s not lonely, but he doesn’t know whether or not he wants to break up and just strings me along, I guess. “I love you” one minute, “let’s break up” the next. My mom says I’m being played, IDK.
I don’t even know what we are because he keeps trying to walk out of the conversation and he doesn’t care about my interests or what I want. I’ve tried talking to him, he says it’s the way he is. Also, he gives me words of affirmation but apparently my brain says that’s not enough. I don’t know anymore. Just venting, ugh.
Dump the Mother Fucker Already.
It isn’t your fault that you don’t want to or that is feels hard. The ups and downs of a relationships like this are chemically addicting in your brain. The Hot and Cold, I love you, let’s breakup give the same release as gambling so its a hard cycle to get out off but one that you need to. I assume you are AFAB so have been condition to not hurt people’s feeling, be indirect and to defer to men’s feelings. So you are fighting against a lot of systems.
Breaking up in the long run is good for both of you. He will need to learn that you can’t string someone along. That is a lesson that can only be learned by losing you and potentially lots of other. You will need to learn that you won’t stand for someone who does that. You both need to learn how to be direct about what you need and what you want. You both need to be clear and understand that if you are not compatible you should not be dating which should be done up front and not hinted at but talked about. Its scary and hard to talk about it and is a skill that needs to be learned.
You are doing great and these are pretty typically dating lessons that everyone needs to learn