cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/30568522

I’ve heard several stories about couples that suddenly stop having sex, start snapping at each other for stupid bs, your girlfriend who was so sweet and supporting becomes her mother, a raging, yelling psychopath, looking for excuses to be passive aggressive, inviting her friends back home when all you want to do is rest after your workday, your boyfriend, so passionate about you is suddenly cold towards you and wants to be left alone. Before having a child you were inseparable, now it’s like you hate each other and rant about your loved one with your friends…

I couldn’t survive such a radical personality change.

Does this phase eventually runs its course?

How do you find the mental fortitude to ignore the stupid bs your partner does or says?

How would you describe love to your partner a year after having a baby?

Is there any way to know if you and your partner are going to make it and remain a couple after having a child?

  • Libra00@lemmy.mlEnglish
    1·
    1 month ago

    Thanks. Yeah the friend might’ve also been asexual? He had one girlfriend in the entire time I knew him, but that didn’t last very long. shrug The subject honestly never came up between us, it was just how it was and we had more interesting shit to do/talk about/etc with our time.

    Re:puberty - yeah, my mom a couple times decided to ask me The Gay Question, like if you aren’t bringing home girlfriends maybe you have boyfriends and are just shy about it or something? And I didn’t have the words to explain (or really even understand myself) that I was into boys about as much as I was into girls: not at all. Like I went through some of the motions just because it was what everyone else was doing, but I never understood the point so it never worked out for long. Man, if only I had just been into boys instead, that would’ve been a massive relief. I’d have been parading that shit up and down the street in a pathetic attempt to get me some of that ‘Look, I’m not broken; I may be a little weird but I’m just like you!’ validation. :P

    Yeah I’m definitely working on trying to get rid of the FOMO at this point in time. I have a lot of great people in my life tbh and I’m trying to branch out and be a bit more social with things that scare me. But even if I do, I’ll never really have the “standard” human experience. Gotta figure out how to eventually be ok with that.

    Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Once I got out of the depression of my younger years I spent a lot of years having to distract myself from that hollowness I felt inside at not having what everyone else had, that loneliness that threatened to overwhelm. I was good at it, and thus I was able to mostly be a nominally-functional adult)I got a surprise dose of that a few years ago when the friend I mentioned died; I had also lost both of my parents in the ~8 years before that, so with that third death I went from feeling like a reasonably well-adjusted person to rudderless and totally alone in the world. I couldn’t sit in a quiet room by myself without feeling like it was going to overwhelm me for a good year afterward.

    I think a lot of that comes with age. You just get used to the way things are, you become more comfortable and pragmatic about who you are, and so you don’t miss the things that you decided were less important nearly as much.