Turning. 28 soon and I feel like for the past year or two men haven’t liked me at all.
Like legit no one even notices I exist, men have zero desire in speaking to me. They never hold the door for me anymore, they never let me go in front of them if I only have 1 item and they have 20 in line, they’ve never gotten up to let me sit on the subway, even if I was in visible discomfort.
I don’t know if it’s because I moved to eastern Europe or I’ve just become significantly uglier enough to where I just don’t matter anymore to anyone.
I meet men at work sometimes or in person and they’ve never asked me out, never asked for my number, never been friendly to me. I feel so hideous because it didn’t use to be this way
If a guy does “show interest” it’s to lead me on and have me as a back up and blow hot and cold, mostly cold the whole time and then ghost me
There is something to be said for having friends that refuse to make choices because “I really don’t care.” I hang out with a person like this, and it means I have to always take more of an emotional load in our friendship making the decisions. It kinda sucks to always be the one that has to make the executive decisions. It’s nice sometimes to do what someone else wants to do.
“What’s up, what do we want to do?”
“I’m easy.”
“Nah, I picked last time, your turn. What are we up to?” (And the last several times)
“I’m down for whatever really.”
“Come on, pick something!”
“I really don’t care, I’m good with whatever.”
What I want to say: “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST PLEASE JUST MAKE A DECISION FOR ONCE PLEASE I AM TIRED OF THE BURDEN”
What I actually say: “Aight whatever let’s just [insert activity]” or, optionally “I’m pretty tired of picking. Do either of these options sound good?”
Don’t push off your executive functions in relationships onto others all the time! It’s a give and take, and everyone has different limits. It’s nearly as bad, in my opinion, as dictating the relationship to force someone else to do it. Now, I wouldn’t yell at someone, no matter how frustrated they make me, but I do communicate when I’m running out of executive function battery for the group, and ask someone else to step up. I just wish they’d take it up on their own initiative sometimes.
Agreed, and it wasn’t that type of situation, it was as I’ve described, they were trying to “teach me a lesson,” as it were.
To be clear, I don’t push decisions on my peers every time, there simply are times when I have no preference. Plus, like… I was at theirs, we were chatting, I didn’t feel the need to change the activity, they, instead, tried to force me to do so, after patiently explaining to them that I was fine with things as they were. After which the yelling started.
There’s a difference between being easy-going and being a damp towel…
Edit: plus, in all honesty, what you’re describing sounds more like a dynamic mismatch, in which case the best direction (imho) is reevaluating and adjusting expectations accordingly. People can be however they want to be, and it’s up to us to decide whether or not we want to accept and continue interactions.