PHYREXIAMINNESOTA** – **Americans are up in arms today after an Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer fatally shot a Magic player who had nothing but an untapped Mountain on their person.
According to officials, the kinda sorta law enforcement agent heroically murdered the hellbent player in cold blood because he had a thing that could maybe do something at some point potentially.



This article has clauses that go harder than most parody today
I haven’t seen jokes stacked like this since Bojack wrapped