I knew someone who needed support making a big life change for herself and everyone except for me and her best friend were supporting her. All her family, including aunts and uncles were against her decision. It was really rough but she achieved her goal.
Later my mental health declined and she lost all patience with me. Told me to go see a therapist and I did. My therapist told me I was putting in more effort than she normally sees in her patients. My friend told me I wasn’t trying hard enough. Eventually I told her to either be there for me or we can stop talking. She wanted to be there for me but would still get angry at me for “not trying hard enough.”
Towards the end of our friendship, she kept saying “you are not your diagnosis” to me when I tried to talk about my recent ADHD diagnosis. I wanted to compromise while she made it clear she wanted me to return to my old self.
I didn’t have the mental strength to mask my behaviour anymore so I cut her out of my life. It took some time but now I have an amazing group of friends now who let me be me.
What used to hurt me was the fact that I allowed her to grow and change but she refused to allow me to do the same. Now I am surrounded by people who are in constant personal growth and change and it’s both amazing and motivating. I made friends with the very people she mocked me for seeking out and I will never regret that choice I made for myself.
Some people just want to feel good about themselves, even if it means holding others back. As rough as that period of my life was, I don’t think I would want to change how it played out. It was a fucked up, roundabout way of meeting some amazing people I love so much today.
Holy shit, you just described what ended my first serious adult relationship, nearly to a T. The only thing missing was their admission that I had been very patient and supportive during their crisis, but they weren’t willing to be patient for mine so “you need to get cracking”.
I’m sorry you had to feel the heartache of an unappreciative friend, but it sounds like it led you to meet others as exceptional as you!
She was also my first serious relationship too. I had a year long work/travel visa for Germany and she was studying in Berlin for a year. After we had to go back to our own countries, we tried long distance only to agree to be friends instead. We had frequent long video calls over the 6 years we had known each other. We were very close while living our own lives in our own countries.
As painful as it all was, I was able to reflect deeply about the experience and come out of it knowing how better to care and protect myself. It also made me realize what traits I actually value in other people. When those people started showing up in my life, I knew exactly where to spend my social energy and it was worth every bit of it.
I’m glad your partner was able to admit their faults. That at least shows they were able to self reflect. Hopefully things are better now for everyone.
Unfortunately mental health isn’t easy, clean or simple for anyone involved.
I knew someone who needed support making a big life change for herself and everyone except for me and her best friend were supporting her. All her family, including aunts and uncles were against her decision. It was really rough but she achieved her goal.
Later my mental health declined and she lost all patience with me. Told me to go see a therapist and I did. My therapist told me I was putting in more effort than she normally sees in her patients. My friend told me I wasn’t trying hard enough. Eventually I told her to either be there for me or we can stop talking. She wanted to be there for me but would still get angry at me for “not trying hard enough.”
Towards the end of our friendship, she kept saying “you are not your diagnosis” to me when I tried to talk about my recent ADHD diagnosis. I wanted to compromise while she made it clear she wanted me to return to my old self.
I didn’t have the mental strength to mask my behaviour anymore so I cut her out of my life. It took some time but now I have an amazing group of friends now who let me be me.
What used to hurt me was the fact that I allowed her to grow and change but she refused to allow me to do the same. Now I am surrounded by people who are in constant personal growth and change and it’s both amazing and motivating. I made friends with the very people she mocked me for seeking out and I will never regret that choice I made for myself.
Some people just want to feel good about themselves, even if it means holding others back. As rough as that period of my life was, I don’t think I would want to change how it played out. It was a fucked up, roundabout way of meeting some amazing people I love so much today.
Holy shit, you just described what ended my first serious adult relationship, nearly to a T. The only thing missing was their admission that I had been very patient and supportive during their crisis, but they weren’t willing to be patient for mine so “you need to get cracking”.
I’m sorry you had to feel the heartache of an unappreciative friend, but it sounds like it led you to meet others as exceptional as you!
She was also my first serious relationship too. I had a year long work/travel visa for Germany and she was studying in Berlin for a year. After we had to go back to our own countries, we tried long distance only to agree to be friends instead. We had frequent long video calls over the 6 years we had known each other. We were very close while living our own lives in our own countries.
As painful as it all was, I was able to reflect deeply about the experience and come out of it knowing how better to care and protect myself. It also made me realize what traits I actually value in other people. When those people started showing up in my life, I knew exactly where to spend my social energy and it was worth every bit of it.
I’m glad your partner was able to admit their faults. That at least shows they were able to self reflect. Hopefully things are better now for everyone.
Unfortunately mental health isn’t easy, clean or simple for anyone involved.