i know! it took me decades to realize the full impact of being sexualized as a child. folks who are predatory are a big blind spot and i was groomed to fit the ones at home like a glove. so when a hand walks into my life, glove me knows what that fit is like and brain goes back to the past desperate desire for validation and love and protection and safety. my picker goes into overdrive and i get the same hopefulness i had as a child, that if i do it right, they will love me like i need. at least now i know WTF is going on and i only make those kind of bad-bad decisions if cornered by life and need like, a warm place to sleep or whatever.